


The shame's on him

by MarmOTeen



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:08:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24932788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarmOTeen/pseuds/MarmOTeen
Summary: A short one-shot, in which I imagine how the "boot room scene" in S4E05 could have gone if Bates hadn't wriggled out the truth from Mrs Hughes first.
Relationships: Anna Bates/John Bates
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	The shame's on him

Bates found Anna in the boot room, where she was furiously brushing a pair of Lady Mary’s shoes.  
\- Aren’t you ever going to finish that? It’s nearly midnight.  
Without looking at him, or giving any signs of slowing down her frenetic brushing, Anna answered flatly:  
\- Someone has to do it.  
\- But it doesn’t always have to be you…  
Anna kept pointedly averting John’s eyes and brushing the shoes. John stopped her by putting his hand on hers, then put the shoe and the brush away from her hand. Her heart rate bounced at the touch of his hand. It had been such a long time. She craved for his touch as much as she feared it. His hand still on hers, he told her gently but firmly:  
\- Anna. I need you to look at me.  
She was stubbornly keeping her eyes fixed on the table.  
\- Please Anna. I cannot handle this situation anymore. Is this the way our life is going to be from now on? Being married but living apart? You forbidding me to touch you? All the while telling me I’ve done nothing wrong and nothing happened? I’m sorry but this doesn’t make any sense. If you don’t love me anymore, I won’t hold you back. Do you want to get a divorce?  
At these words, she finally lifted her gaze from the ground, to look at him with tears in her eyes.  
\- Of course not, John! Don’t be silly!  
\- Then what? Will we have to go on forever like this? And I’m the one being silly? Listen Anna. I’m your husband. I know you. I can see that you are distressed, and that you haven’t been yourself since that bloody concert. Now, I am begging you, please tell me what has happened. Take your time, but we are not leaving here until you have said it.

She kept silent for a moment, twisting her hands, not seeing any safe way out of the situation. She feared his reaction so much, but at the same time she couldn't handle this situation anymore as well. She craved so much for him, her determination to keep the attack secret was beginning to waver. At last she took a deep breath, and started with a trembling voice:  
\- If I tell you the truth, it will make you very angry. I know you too, and I know you will feel the urge to do something foolish in reaction. So I’ve kept silent, because I don’t want that. So if you want me to talk to you, you will have to swear to me first that you won’t do anything that will lead you back in prison… or worse.  
\- In prison? Gee, Anna, you’re really worrying me now. Not that I wasn’t worried before, for that matter…  
She looked at him straight in the eyes.  
\- Do you swear?  
He looked confused, but she insisted.  
\- Do you swear, on our wedding vows, that you won’t hurt anyone?  
\- Hurt someone? So that’s what I feared, someone did something to you!  
\- For God’s sake John will you swear!  
The harsh look on her face told him that she wasn’t going to say anything more until he obliged to her request. So he took both her hands in his, took a deep breath and said slowly:  
\- I swear Anna. I only want to understand what’s going on, and help you go through whatever you’ve been going through on your own. Please. Tell me now.  
\- Alright, she whispered with a sigh.  
But she stayed silent still.  
\- So? he asked gently.  
She broke into tears.  
\- I can’t… It’s too hard…, she managed in between the sobs.  
He took her in a tight embrace, and started gently stroking her hair.  
\- Ssshhh, my darling, it’s alright. We’ll take the time.

They stayed in this position for a few minutes. When the sobbing finally slowed down, he held her at arm’s length and wiped her wet cheeks.  
\- It happened during the concert, am I right? When you went downstairs?  
She gave a small nod.  
Suddenly an unbearable intuition struck him like lightning. Anger boiled through his veins at that thought. It was him. That filthy bastard who had flirted with Anna since the moment he arrived. He closed his eyes and tried to get a grip on himself, not forgetting his promise to Anna. Now he had to find out the extent of the damage the man had done.  
He looked at Anna and asked softly:  
\- Is it Green? Lord Gillingham’s valet?  
Fresh tears started rolling on her cheeks again. She hid her face in her hands, and nodded again.  
\- What did he do? Darling, what did he do?!  
She took a deep steadying breath, and started shakily:  
\- I was in the kitchen drinking a powder, and he came behind my back. He started making indecent suggestions, saying trash about you. When I started to tell him off, well… obviously he didn’t take no for an answer. He hit me in the face, and dragged me into the boot room, and…  
Then her voice died, as she couldn’t bring herself to voice the words describing what had happened next.  
His eyes were burning with anger. He could barely hold on his self-control as he was starting to figure out what Green had done. He had hoped it hadn’t gone that far.  
With a low voice, that hardly concealed his fury, he asked her:  
\- Did he…  
But he found that he couldn’t say the words either.  
She started sobbing again, giving him a hardly noticeable nod.  
He clenched his fists in a desperate attempt to control his murderous instincts. Burning angry tears were coming to his eyes too, as he was realizing the awful mess this disgusting man had left behind him. He took Anna in his arms, and said in a dangerous voice:  
\- You’re right, I do want to do something foolish. I want to kill him, I want to murder that filthy excuse of a man!  
Anna shook his arms off her and looked him in the eyes with a desperate plea in hers:  
\- John! You swore to me! I can’t see you getting arrested again!  
He looked back at her and saw the distress in her eyes. He took her hands and said with a gentler and calmer voice:  
\- Yes, I did. And I will stick to it. I won’t do anything to him. That doesn’t mean I can not feel the urge to do it.  
She seemed a bit reassured. They stayed for a few moments, silently holding each other’s hands, feeling temporarily at a loss for words. In the end, Anna broke the silence, and said:  
\- Well, it’s in the open now. No more secrets. I’m glad of that at least. No more fear of being found out, because I am found out. My shame has nowhere to hide…  
\- Why do you talk of shame? I don’t accept that there is any shame in this! Not on your account anyway. The shame’s on him!  
\- … But I’m spoiled for you! And I can never be unspoiled…  
John cupped Anna’s face with his hands.  
\- You are not spoiled! You’re made higher to me, and holier, because of the suffering you’ve been put through! You are my wife, and I have never been prouder, nor loved you more than I love you now at this moment.  
\- Truly? she said in a very small voice.  
\- Truly! he told her firmly with a warm smile, and pulled her into a loving embrace, where they both cried their suffering out, together.


End file.
